January 2012
5 posts
5 tags
A Shy Nerd's Guide to Surviving the Gym
I’m a lazy fuck.
I feel like it’s important for me to say that right off the bat so no one will think I’m some kind of energetic go-getter who actually enjoys moving around and sweating. Given the choice between sitting on my ass, drinking wine, or like, playing frisbee or whatever, chances are pretty good I’m gonna ask you to pass the pinot grigio.
I’m also...
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“Show me a man or a woman alone and I’ll show you a saint. Give me two and...”
– Stephen King
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Teabagging = unacceptable
Nishizono: Well then, how can I make it up to you?
Nishizono: Please note that "teabagging" is not an acceptable answer
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Seven Left Feet
Nishizono: Alas, I cannot snowboard
Nishizono: You know the expression, "I have two left feet"?
Nishizono: I've got like seven of them
Nishizono: And they're all broken at the ankle
5 tags
Low-Carb Spaghetti
Nishizono: It's acceptable to have a tomato and wine for dinner, right?
Dodgie: that's like a pasta sauce
Nishizono: Exactly!
Nishizono: It's low-carb spaghetti
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Happy New Year
(Dodgie is in Australia at the moment.)
Nishizono: Hi sweetheart
Dodgie: world is still here
Nishizono: How's 2012?
Dodgie: apparently I can pre-empt your questions from the future
December 2011
3 posts
7 tags
My "Method" of Playing Skyrim
Mercenary: Hey, I really need your help to find this ancient sword.
Me: Uh huh. Oh look, a butterfly.
Mercenary: It can raise the dead.
Me: Eeeeee! A moth!
Mercenary: I'll give you a billion gold.
Me: What's this?! I can chop wood for money?! That is the coolest idea ever! They should have jobs like that in real life!
Mercenary: Look, I'll even give you the damn sword, okay? Just go find it for me.
Me: Fireflies, fireflies, la, la, la!
Mercenary: The sword will also make you nineteen feet tall and turn your teeth blue. Are you even listening to me?
Me: Look buddy, can't you see I'm busy harvesting cabbages? Piss off, would you?
5 tags
November 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Anonymous asked: Please tell me you're not done with the Principles of Morality series! I need this like I need air in my lungs, like Sherlock needs nicotine patches! PLEASE!
October 2011
6 posts
4 tags
Nightmares Fear Factory →
Photos of people getting the shit scared out of them in a haunted house.
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Watching Merlin
nishizono: God damn it, Merlin, it's been three seasons, and you still haven't learned not to go into dark, cobwebby rooms alone?
nishizono: How about you stay away from the cobweb-covered dude?
nishizono: ...or, y'know, walk right up to him
nishizono: Oh, yeah, no, I'm sure the dude who looks like a corpse and is covered in cobwebs doesn't mean you any harm
nishizono: Go ahead and try to take his trident
nishizono: And meanwhile, Arthur, you just go ahead and shove your hand into that worm-covered hole in the wall
nishizono: I'm sure it's fine.
nishizono: Okay look, fine, I concede, so the cobweb dude doesn't care about the trident after all.
nishizono: But you really, really don't want to drink the water Cobweb Dude is handing you. I promise.
nishizono: Look, I'm just saying. The dude is in a huge, dark tower guarded by dragons, he's covered in cobwebs, and he looks halfway decomposed.
nishizono: SEE?! You asshole, I told you.
nishizono: Now he's going to mouth rape you or something
nishizono: Oh. Well. That's a lot sadder than I thought.
nishizono: And this whole scene ends up being a lot more moving than I thought it would be.
nishizono: And now I feel like an asshole for making fun of it.
4 tags
have-not-will-not asked: Are you ever going to update The Dessert Job on Livejournal?
3 tags
August 2011
5 posts
2 tags
6 tags
Emo Gangsters
Nishizono: I want to change everything about my entire life
Tony: Well baby steps
Tony: pick some low hanging fruit off the vine
Nishizono: The vine is dead, yo
Nishizono: ~emo gangster signs~
Nishizono: I don't know wtf an emo gangster looks like
Nishizono: But I imagine it's sort of like Chris Angel
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Adventures With Autocorrect
S: WHY DID YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE JAW?!
N: I didn't! I had deaf people bone grafted onto my jaw.
N: Fuck. I meant dead people. But they might have been deaf, too.
July 2011
2 posts
6 tags
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June 2011
5 posts
3 tags
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My Favorite iPhone Apps
These are my top 5 favorite iPhone apps, in no particular order…
Evernote Cost: Free! I’ve been using Evernote for a few years now, and I love it. It’s note-taking that syncs across all of your devices. You can create multiple notebooks and infinite tags, and you can include all sorts of media in your notes. I have it on all of my devices (laptop, desktop, phone), and...
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The art of photobombing, by Nathan Fillion:
swarleystinson:
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May 2011
3 posts
4 tags
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Call for Submissions!
CHARMING: modern gay fairy tales
So I’m helping out with a short story anthology for Circlet Press, and I know there are a ton of brilliant writers following me, so my question is this: why the hell haven’t you written something and submitted it yet? Get on that shit, yo!
The theme is modernized fairy tales with a male/male twist. We want stories where Prince Charming falls for a...
April 2011
4 posts
2 tags
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What a Colourful Century
nishizono: Also, am I the only one who sort of imagines that, based on photographic evidence, the 1960s were orange and everyone in the 1920s was in black and white?
baron: nope. life wasn't in color until the 40s. everyone knows that.
baron: even ketchup was a dark grey. not that vibrant red we've come to cherish.
4 tags
Mwrarararwra?
nishizono: Mwrwar?
nishizono: ...wow. That's not even a real word and I managed to misspell it.
March 2011
2 posts
5 tags
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January 2011
2 posts
8 tags
D&D Gangs
Kyle: http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2011/01/25/dungeons-dragons-a-threat-to-prison-security/
Nishizono: Ahaha. Ahahahahahaha. Aha. Oh my goodness.
Nishizono: ~makes gang signs at you~
Kyle: STOP IT!
Nishizono: Just representin' the assassins, yo
Nishizono: Oh wait, does our gang play by 4th edition rules?
Kyle: of course
Nishizono: Oh, well, then I meant rogue
4 tags
December 2010
2 posts
2 tags
Disneyland Dream →
A homemade documentary about one family’s trip to Disneyland in 1956.
3 tags
Working on an older project
Working on an older project while a new one is gnawing at your brain is like going home with a long-term partner after spending the evening flirting with strangers.
November 2010
5 posts
4 tags
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Yo-Ho, Dawg
At least I have a fever to blame for my ridiculousness...
Dodgie: corndog?
Dodgie: hodog
Nishi: You're a hodog.
Dodgie: i'm a hodawg
Dodgie: yoyo
Nishi: Yo-ho dawg, I put some yo-yos in yo rum, so you can yo-yo while you yo-ho
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DeviantArt Fail →
rosalarian:
If you haven’t read about the DeviantArt controversy, here it is. First they told a gender neutral user that there were only 2 genders and to pick one or GTFO. Then, when the backlash hit, they decided to make all users specify their sex instead of their gender, which only makes it…
3 tags
Copyright Infringement →
Editor steals story; when writer complains, editor says writer should be thankful AND pay them for making story better.
October 2010
4 posts
3 tags
3 tags
Anal Pills
G: anal pills?
G: I like where this is going
3 tags
Why I'm Not A Feminist
I’m not a feminist because…
…too many feminists spend their time ridiculing women who fall short of their feminist ideals rather than spreading messages of self-love and self-acceptance.
…too many feminists treat men with the same disrespect with which they claim men treat women.
…too many feminists are dogmatic in the belief that there’s only One Right Way...